My Memaw, Doris Haley

Last weekend, my family and I came together in Overland Park, KS to celebrate the life of Doris Haley and say our goodbyes.

My grandmother, (or "Memaw" as her grandchildren called her), was unlike any person I had ever known in my life.  This was a woman who married young, had four children, and raised those children by herself after her husband died in the 60's, at a time when being a single mother was unheard of.  Her strength and the love she had in her heart for the people she had in her life was unmatched.

Out of my four grandparents, Memaw was really the only one I had a relationship with.  Her husband, Jack Haley, had died long, long before I existed; my father's father, JT, was not a nice man and certainly didn't care to have a relationship with his grandchildren; and my sweet Grammy's mind was taken by Alzheimer's long before I was old enough, so she had no idea who I was.  Memaw, therefore, was my sole matriarch.  She was my source of wisdom.

Here are things I will remember my Memaw for:

• The color purple
• Her love of fleece
• Bright pink lipstick on her teeth
• Her big hair
• Her "rain hat" (aka, a plastic grocery bag)
• Squirrels ;)
• Her love of watching the birds
• Her brutal honesty
• Her stubbornness 
• Her laugh
• Her wicked sense of humor
• Her kind heart
• Her generosity
• Her devotion to her family
• Her devotion to her friends
• Her love of flowers
• Teaching me the value of travel and experience
• Her curiosity
•  Pinot Grigio
• Bird legs
• Hopping waves
• Seashells
• Hummingbirds
• Practicality
• Space and Stardust

She left such an imprint on my life, that a hole will forever remain.  My last moment with Memaw, when she was still lucid, she held my hand in her purple bedroom and told me that she was proud of me.  That is the greatest gift I could have ever asked for from her.  She left my life on January 2, 2013, and I will spend the rest of my life remembering her and thinking "What Would Memaw Do?"  Memaw, you were, and continue to be, such an influence on me.  I miss you and think of you everyday.  If there is a heaven, I hope it is filled with hummingbirds, purple flowers, and "handsome hunks" serving you your pinot grigio.  I love you.

Longing for Travel

I was "bit" by the travel bug early in life.  And since then, I haven't been able to shake (nor have I wanted to) the desire to travel, experience different cultures and see the world.  I have been fortunate enough to have been all the places I have been already, but I still have a ways to go.

My grandmother, Doris Smith Haley (pictured above with my mother, aunts, and sister on her 85th birthday) was a huge advocate for travel, education and experiencing as much as possible.  This little lady from Booneville, MO had been to the most incredible places: Honduras, Nepal, China, Russia, Australia, Europe.  When my sister and I were little, she set up accounts for us and told us we were only allowed to spend it on one thing: travel.  So, in high school, my sister went on a school trip to Belize with our mom and I went to Spain with our dad.  Before that, our parents' took us to Mexico and my dad made sure that we didn't leave there thinking that Mexico was like a resort; he took us into downtown Mazatlan and into the street markets.  There were entire pig carcasses on butcher blocks, chickens strung up by their feet, flies and poverty everywhere.  Even with all that, I still wanted to see more of the world; I was not swayed by seeing the "ugly" part of a city.

I have been fortunate enough to have also been to Italy twice.  The first time, we went to meet my sister, Audrey, in Rome after her stint studying abroad, and spent Christmas all over Italy.  This last time, in 2010, we got the hell out of Rome as soon as the plane landed (Seriously...see Rome, but you only need to see it once.  After that, head straight to Florence) and traveled to Florence, Fiesole, Sienna, Venice and Cinque Terre.  Cinque Terre is a small town on the coast of the Mediterranean with five villages connected to each other by a pathway.  The fourth village, Vernazza, is where you want to stay.  The hike between the 4th and 5th villages (Vernazza and Monte Rosso) is famous for the spectacular views.  When you get to about the top, there is the quintessential shot that every photographer must capture (pictured below):

It has been nearly three years since that trip, and I have been DYING to go somewhere again.  I am fortunate to be with someone that loves traveling as much as I do and we talk about our dream trips.

My grandmother left us this past January and left a hole in our hearts; she was someone that will never be replaced.  Recently, I had found out that she had left me some money and I had to think to myself, "What would Memaw want me to do?"  I don't even know why I had to think about it because the answer was so obvious: travel.  Jason and I have decided to take a big trip next year: Iceland and Norway.  Turns out, if you take Iceland Air, they let you do a stop over for up to 7 days for no additional airfair charges.  So, essentially, you can have a 7 day layover.  So, we're going to fly into Reykjavik and continue onto Oslo and bum around Norway for a few days and then head home.  

I have to thank my Memaw for giving me the genes that long for travel and adventure.  She'll be with me every time I go somewhere new.

Zach Sobiech

If you haven't been following the courageous and wonderful story of Zach Sobiech, you should check out his YouTube videos.

This 17 year old kid was diagnosed with a rare sarcoma and was told he had 6 months to a year to live.  Instead of going home, laying down and never getting back up again, this kid wrote some beautiful music, lived his life and has touched not only those close to him, but millions of strangers through his videos and music.  Yesterday, on May 20, he passed away and watching his final video, I found myself in tears and thinking of life, and what it truly means to live it.

The biggest mistake we all make is that there's always time.  Time is this abstract concept that none of us have a full grasp on.  We could be meaning to write or call those we love but keep putting it off thinking, "Oh, I'll just do it tomorrow" or "When work calms down next week, I'll make some time."  The sobering fact is, is that there is absolutely no certainty that you will make it to tomorrow, to next week or next year; there just isn't.  After swallowing that hard reality, it's time to ask yourself how you're living your life; are you living it to the fullest (I know many of us aren't)? Are you taking advantage of every opportunity?  Are you leaving a positive and lasting impression on the people you meet and form relationships with?

One of the things Zach said in his final video was how he loved nothing more than seeing people smile and knowing that he was the reason that he put it there; that he believed that's what people were here for: to help each other.  And I started to think to myself, "How am I helping those I love?  What kind of impression am I leaving behind?  Do I really let them know how much they mean to me?"

In 2006, I lost my uncle Tom to Leukemia.  The odds were against him, and he chose to fight anyway.  This was a man that did not take a single challenge lying down and survived several questionable scenarios (nearly) unscathed.  The only thing that was able to derail by "invincible" uncle was cancer and chemotherapy.  The biggest regret I have in my life (and I try not to have any) is that I never had a proper goodbye with my dearest and most treasured uncle.  I am a lot like my uncle Tom in many ways and my sister and I were more like children to him than his own kids were.  There was a definite bond there that could not be described.  I adored him, admired him, and cherished him more than I could ever explain and I never got to tell him any of this.  While he was in Seattle getting treatment, my sister kept me from seeing him.  I know that his appearance had changed due to the chemo and I know she was trying to protect my image of Tom; she didn't want the emaciated and ill version to replace the image of my uncle I had in my mind.  And by the time he made it back to Idaho, he wasn't really there anymore.  I never truly got my goodbye and I resented her for that, for many, many years.  I have since let go of that feeling and moved it into remembering to be positive, loving and caring to those I have with me now because, really, we never know what tomorrow will bring.

So, it's with Zach's videos that I am reminded of this.  I watched his video and cried, and remembered what was most important: the people in our lives and how we treat one another.  I feel that his videos will live on for a very long time and he left behind a great legacy at just 17 years old.  He has touched many lives of complete strangers and I am one of those people.  So, thank you, Zach; for your courage, your empathy, your spirit.  You have reminded me of what is most important.  May you rest in peace.

Everything is better with bacon.

The last few events I have held or attended, I have made the glorious and delightful confectionery treat that is candied bacon. (I'm already drooling just thinking about it).  I made some for Jason's birthday, and it was a huge hit; it barely lasted 20 minutes.

Here's the recipe:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Line a cookie sheet with tin foil (LOTS of tin foil...like, layers and layers...unless you want to completely destroy a perfectly good cookie sheet).
Take a pound of bacon, and lay it out on the cookie sheet.
Take brown sugar, and apply a layer to each strip of bacon.
Sprinkle a little cayenne pepper
Sprinkle some cinnamon or nutmeg, if you like.
Bake for 10 minutes
At the end of 10 minutes, turn each piece over, add another layer of brown sugar and put in the oven for another 10 minutes.
Remove from oven, and lay pieces out on a tray, plate or whatever and put in the fridge for 10-15 minutes...this allows the bacon to become "candied."
Take out and stuff your face.  Enjoy.

Now, one thing I have found doing this recipe: It's all about the bacon.  The more fat = the worse your bacon will turn out.  The best bacon I have found have been the thick bacon at Costco.  If you're at your regular grocery store, get your bacon from the butcher, NOT the packaged stuff; your butcher is going to have the good stuff.  Trust me, it's worth it.

Enjoy!

The constant quest to get in shape

Being fit...

It's a constant battle for me.  If I'm thinking about what I'm doing, or try and develop a routine, I'm instantly repulsed by it because it feels like a chore (and, it is work.  Perhaps I should just get over that fact).  I promise myself every night that in the morning, I will get up, go run or do some sort of exercise.  And then my alarm goes off...and I think to myself, "You know what's more awesome than running?  Sleeping." and roll over and go back to sleep for another hour.

The best shape I have ever been in was when I was 20; I was working for Juniper Mountain Outfitters as a camp counselor and guide for a horse back riding camp.  It was probably the hardest labor I've had to do; lifting 30-60lb saddles, dealing with ornery horses, moving giant bales of hay...I had to do it all to keep my job, and consequently, got in crazy shape.  You'd be surprised how much of your core you use when you ride every day.  Think about it: how else do you stay on the damn horse?

But I digress...my most recent realization has been, "Oh shit.  I'm 29.  It's not going to continue to get easy."  I don't have time to put it off any longer; if I don't start now, it will be like climbing Everest, instead of just hiking up to Table Rock.  I have been riding my bike quite a bit, but after a ride to Lucky 13 (where my legs turned to noodles at about mile 6 after pushing myself pretty hard) I'm realizing I've still got a ways to go.

So, I created a morning routine and I wrote it on the bathroom mirror.  If I just think it in my head and don't do it, there won't be someone there to hold me accountable.  Having it out there, I'm more likely to do it for fear of failure. (The little note of encouragement Jason left beside it certainly helps too).  It also helps that Jason and I are now duking it out to see who can lose 10 pounds first; bringing out my fiercely competitive side is a surefire way to get me to exercise.

We'll see how I do.  Perhaps I will post some before/after photos...or maybe I'll spare you.  Meh.  Who cares?  It may help others motivate themselves too.  

Eating Healthy................so overrated.

Well, it's not really...but sometimes it's just really, really hard.

I understand the importance of eating healthy - it's better for your body and the older you get, the harder it will be to shed weight or battle things like high cholesterol or (God forbid) diabetes.  I also understand how delicious certain foods can be (Cheese.  Enough said) which makes eating healthy really (fucking really) hard.

I do not consider myself to be overweight.  I eat good food and I do my best to try and avoid things that I know are blatantly bad for me (Like Meth...meth is pretty easy to avoid).  However, I am also very, very out of shape.  And unlike my younger self, that could not work out for months and bounce back like it was nothing (lucky bitch...), my self now has difficulty rebuilding all the muscle I once had.  A big part of that, I believe, has to do with diet.  And I've tried all sorts of diets....most recently, Paleo (No, I did not join a Crossfit Gym....$125 A MONTH???? Are you fucking kidding me?).

Jason has a Paleo cookbook, and I love to cook so I thought, "Why not?"  A lot of the recipes are surprisingly tasty!  And most have less than 4 ingredients.  And even though it says to not salt your food, I do it anyway.  The hardest part, however, is not reaching for any variation of that glorious dairy confection that is CHEESE.  I could eat cheese errv.ree.day.  On errv.ree.thing. (I write this as I stuff roasted rosemary parm chips from Whole Foods into my face....nom nom nom...).  I love cheese.  I would cry forever if I ever found out I was lactose intolerant.

Where was I?  Oh, right!  Paleo...
My favorite recipe that I tried was the this pork loin recipe that is absolutely delicious.  But, alas, no cheese.

So, perhaps eating healthy isn't TOTALLY overrated, but going full-on paleo is.  I'm sorry, but I don't care if my body wasn't "meant" to process dairy.  It's freakin' delicious.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have more parm chips that need to be eaten...